Babysitting Exorcists
by InsertImaginativeNameHere
Summary: After John sees Zed kissing Jim Corrigan, Chas is concerned his friend is jealous. Just, you know, a meh thing that happened.


**So this just happened. Set after episode 1x13 (Waiting for the Man).**

The first thing Chas had to remember about keeping an eye on John Constantine was that it was basically equivalent to babysitting a stubborn, obnoxious, chain-smoking child who would wallow in self-pity and drink himself half to death if left to his own devices. Which was why you had to find a case to distract him with quickly so that he had something better to do than indulge his inner demons.

In some was, Chas was glad; hanging around with John had given him valuable parenting experience for when Geraldine first came along, although Geraldine was yet to invite the demon king Pazuzu into her body for a spin, nearly getting killed in the process. The joys of being friends with John really never ceased. You spent pretty much every waking moment with him worried the idiot would do something stupid and end up dead, hoping he was in a good mood and nothing would come along to remind him of Newcastle and send him back to angst o'clock.

No wonder Renée had never liked him. Not only was her husband spending all his time fighting monsters with him, but the man was a complete and utter bastard with it. She'd taken an instant dislike to John from the moment they had first met. Chas guessed that the man himself must have been disappointing after hearing far-fetched stories glorifying the legendary exorcist. Indeed, sometimes Chas wondered why he stuck with John, though he felt a twang of guilt every time he did so. If he left, and he knew this for a fact, John would wind up dead, if not from a case, from one of his all-too frequent tailspins, during which time he would forget to eat for days and pass out drunk on the sofa before noon. Besides, when he wasn't set to self-destruct, or just generally being an asshole, you couldn't argue with the fact he was pretty good company. That was his problem – or one of his problems anyway – a problem he tried too hard to counteract which was why he could be such a dick. He was likeable, the kind of guy you wanted to be around, even when that was pretty much a death sentence.

It had definitely got easier since Zed came along. She didn't take any of John's shit and was unimpressed with his more childish antics. Yes, Chas liked her. She was good for John, and she'd survived some pretty dangerous situations already, which was a very good sign. She had other uses too: psychic, multi-lingual, you name it. When she wasn't around, life was so much harder.

Today, however, was a good day. There were good days and bad days, and, considering John was up and dressed without prompting, today definitely fell into the former category. He was currently prattling on about some inane topic, but Chas wasn't going to interrupt; better talking nonsense than saying nothing except the occasional dark comment about his own damnation, accompanied by that forced sarcastic smile he used to keep up appearances.

"You alright mate?" Chas snapped out of his thoughts to see his friend looking at him with some concern. "I mean, you're not exactly much of a chatterbox anyway, but-"

"I'm fine." Chas said calmly.

John nodded and turned away, going quiet. Dammit. It had been going so well.

"Zed kissed Jim Corrigan." the exorcist said, suddenly, and Chas almost laughed. This wasn't one of his sudden turns into depression, no, this was _jealousy._ Quite who he was jealous of was less than certain – John swung both ways, he was that kind of guy – but Chas suspected it was Jim.

"What?" John glared at Chas defensively.

"Oh, nothing." Chas replied innocently. "You're jealous, aren't you?"

"Nah, old Jimbo isn't really my type. It's the beard." John grinned and then added. "No offence mate."

Chas smiled. "So Zed then?" his friend raised his eyebrows sarcastically. "You're into her, right?"

He thought back to when he'd walked in on them curled up on Zed's hospital bed. Neither of them knew he'd seen them, and he wouldn't have liked to comment on it. Certainly Zed was a nice looking girl, something John had a weakness for, but nothing had ever seemed to come of it. Probably better that way, given the Scouser's wandering eye.

"Eh, she's alright." John shrugged. "I reckon she'll be better off with him, don't you?"

_Better off with the sensible, straight-laced cop than the down-and-out demonologist, _that was the unsaid implication. A feeling of deja vu came over Chas, memories of a similar conversation just after Gary Lester had died.

"You should go, Chas," Constantine had said. "You'd be better off going home to Renée and Geraldine than hanging around with a bastard like me. You'd only end up like him eventually."

And Chas remembered the realisation he had come to, that John Constantine didn't think he deserved friends. There was no one he despised more than himself, even before Newcastle, he'd just covered it better then. It was a contradiction in itself; that the most arrogant, egotistical man Chas knew was riddled with self-loathing, had been taught to hate himself from an early age, so he couldn't accept why anyone would want to be his friend.

If Zed left, went off with Jim, it would just reinforce that idea, that no one could care about him. Except Chas, of course, who was stupidly loyal like that.

"She'll be back." Chas put his hand on his friend's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry."

"Who said I was worrying?" John glared at Chas, immediately on the defensive. Chas rolled his eyes. He was so bloody stubborn, John was, he would be the last to acknowledge that he had a problem. That was why Chas was surprised to hear about his checking into an asylum after Newcastle. If it had been so bad that John had noticed he wasn't coping, well, Chas shuddered to even think about it.

The bigger man shrugged and stood up, walking over to the kitchen

"Get us a beer, would you?" the exorcist shouted from across the room. His friend sighed, but did as asked anyway.

He was, after all, one of John Constantine's two remaining friends, his best friend you might say. And he might as well be as good as he could be, however long they had left. You never knew, what with the Rising Darkness and everything else. But Chas would be there for him.

What else were friends for?


End file.
